Originally written on 2/07/2012. I am glad it rings as true today, as it did a year ago.
I have always been familiar with the story where Jesus feeds the 5,000 (Mat. 14:13-33). What a sweet experience for the disciples to be a part of. However, just as the disciples are standing around, rubbing their stuffed bellies and slappin’ skins talking about how Jesus is the man, Jesus tells them to go away. He tells them to “go to the other side of the lake" while he takes time to pray..(yes, rest assured…even Jesus needed a break every now and then…J) While the disciples are at sea, upset because they didn't get to stay for the after party, the winds pick up.
The winds pick up, the rain starts to pour, and the waves start climbing. This is no Missouri weather where it’s just a 20-minute squall that disappears as quickly as it appeared. No, this continues for hours. From what I gather it starts sometime in the evening and persists until “the fourth watch of the night” (Matt. 14.25) which is anywhere between three and six in the morning. So for almost the entire night, these poor disciples are tossed around violently. I can only imagine, perhaps with much accuracy, what the disciples were thinking.
“I can’t believe this!” “How could Jesus have left us?” “Why is he making us ride in a storm?” “Where is he when we need him?” “Is he going to save us?” I’d venture to guess even a few “bleepity-bleeps” slipped out, but maybe I’m saying that to make myself feel better. Either way, one question lingered over their heads, “Is God going to take care of me?”
So many Christians experience the depth of their spirituality in terms of mountaintop experiences, miracles, or smooth sailing times. They become almost intoxicated with having everything work out in all ways at all times. Maybe they are smart enough or rich enough or pretty enough to satisfy their own needs without the presence of a savior. Maybe they are spiritual enough to procure answers to every prayer. Maybe they are wise enough to not get bogged down by temporal circumstances and to maintain emotional and mental stability all the time. But let’s face it…most of us aren’t.
Here we have the disciples, who were on a mountaintop experience just hours earlier, now being thrashed around by a storm. Now they are questioning, “Is he really going to take care of us?” They clearly knew he had the capacity to do so. Did Jesus care about them that much when he basically bulldozed them out of the festivities only for them to get pummeled by a storm? Did he really care about them that he waited until the fourth watch, nearly the last possible second to show up?
The story ends with Jesus coming to them walking on the water. They of course freak out. Seriously, who does that? Jesus comes, but in their estimation, he was late. They weren’t sure why he had sent them away in the first place. It felt dreadful to be battling rains and winds and waves in the absence of his presence. But finally he comes.
“Is God going to take care of me?” is the cry that resonates from the depths of my soul when I find myself in life's senseless storms. It doesn’t mean I am a faithless Christian. It doesn’t mean that I am not smart enough to trust him. It just means that I am asking the question--that I wonder. And that I have no choice but to hold on so I can experience the affirmative answer. I stay in the boat and wait for Jesus to come. Maybe I will end up like Peter walking on the water with him, or maybe like the other disciples, sitting in the boat. Sitting, standing, rowing, walking, wading, whatever it is that I do…I know this: Jesus always comes!
