My truck was filthy. I decided to go all out and totally clean it; make it shine. All I needed was to pick up some Armorall at Walmart. As I pulled into the parking lot, I noticed a man holding a cardboard sign that simply said, "Hungry." I glanced quickly back and forth from him to his sign, before driving on by as if I hadn't seen anything.
There was something about the man that I couldn't seem to shake as I made the walk towards the automotive department. As I began looking over the different products that could make my truck shine, the word "hungry" kept coming into my mind. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Then the thoughts in my head became crazier. Feed him. Feed him. Feed him. Feed him? Really? By this point I recognized God was working in my head and in my heart, and I quickly began to argue with him.
Feed him? Really, God? I mean, he will probably be gone when I leave anyway.
"Yes, feed him. He will be there."
But, I mean, that isn't safe. He is a man...I am a girl...there are stories on Dateline about things like this!
"Do you not trust me?"
"No..I do trust you. But, you see...I just came to Walmart to buy Armorall to make my truck shine. Plus, I don't have a job. I don't have money. There are plenty of other people who could buy him food."
"Allow me to remind you of a little something. “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:17-18."
Crap. I`m for real supposed to feed this man.
I've never had such an intense conversation with the Lord in the automotive department before. But I knew, no matter how much I didn't want to, I was supposed to buy this man something to eat. I scurried nervously up and down aisles grabbing a handful of things that I could afford with my measly $20.
As I got back into my truck to drive to where the man was, I remembered my drivers side window is broken, unable to roll down. I wouldn't be able to slow to a roll and toss the bag of groceries to the man like I had originally planned. I was actually going to have to get out of my truck.
This seems like a bad idea.
As I pulled into the abandoned parking lot next to the man, he began to approach me slowly and deliberately. My heart raced, thoughts flooded my mind, but yet I felt oddly secure as I opened the truck door to stand by the man. I fiddled with the grocery bag for a bit before finally looking up to acknowledge him. I was discomforted by the man, probably in his late 40's or early 50's. He wore dirt and grease on his hands and shirt. His unbuttoned flannel hung loosely and the smell of body odor overwhelmed me. I finally gained enough courage to train my eyes on his. His eyes, his eyes told a story. They were filled with sorrow, agony, and shame. He looked worn, full of despair, and empty. Those eyes of his met mine, as I began to speak-taking my thoughts away.
"How are ya today sir?" I blurted out chipper as could be, trying to overcompensate for the nervousness I felt inside.
"Well, if I was doing well I wouldn't be standing here with a cardboard sign, now would I?"
His words were harsh, coarse, to the point. This isn't the way this was supposed to go. Think quick, Lindsey. What do I do? Throw the bag at him, jump in my truck and speed away? Orr...?
"I`m Lindsey! Nice to meet you!" I blurted out as I looked down to see myself extending my hand to shake. He cautiously glanced at my hand, then to me, then back to my hand. I felt like time stood still as I waited for him to accept my feeble greeting. His calloused hand met mine as he replied, "I`m Robert, nice to meet you."
"So, I picked some stuff up for you in....there." I couldn't even think of what Walmart was called.
"Thanks." he replied as he took the bag from my hand. "I don't always do this you know."
I was confused, caught off guard by the comment. "Do what?," I shot back quickly.
"Stand on the street asking for food." "Oh!...well...that's okay." I stammered back. I had agreed to buying the man some food, not to an awkward conversation.
"The food banks are running really low right now. I don't feel right taking food from there when I know there are hungry kids. If I can stand here with a sign and get at least one meal, I will be fine."
I was totally bewildered. I hadn't asked why he was standing there. Honestly, I had made up enough reasons in my head for him. He squandered his money. He was a drunk. On drugs. Lazy. Before I could say anything else his words penetrated my heart once more.
"I had a job and I worked hard. I had a wife, and kids. But things happen, and people change. I'm just at a rough time in my life. I never thought I would be standing here like this. So thanks...thank you."
I wanted to know more. What had happened? How did people change? Where are your kids? How old are they? Surely around my age. Are you still in contact with them? How is your wife? What job did you have? But I couldn't bring myself to ask any of these questions. They all seemed so irrelevant. Instead, my next move surprised even me. I reached my arms out and I embraced the man. Hugged him. Thinking back on it, that was absolutely crazy. Typing it now makes me feel weird. I'm not a touchy person. But for some reason, the urge came over me to fully embrace him. So I did. I hugged him. For the first time, I saw Robert as an equal. A peer. A friend.
Nothing else seemed right, so I managed to say "Robert, I am so glad I met you today." as I let go of him and smiled at his tired face. Tears began to fill his eyes, and stream down his cheeks. "Lindsey, thank you for the food, but more importantly, thank you for treating me like a person."
....treating me like a person.
I got in my truck and drove away making sure to not look back in my mirror at Robert. I couldn't stomach it. All of a sudden, I felt so small, so weak, so overcome.
I have had a week to process the strange occurrence in the Walmart parking lot. I have realized that for many people, the only Jesus they'll ever see is the Jesus they find in you and me. What Jesus are you showing? Is your Jesus one who doesn't take seriously“If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:17-18. Homeless people and people in need don't need your money, they need YOU. I had to learn the hard way, the heart wrenching way. Friends, I implore you, stray from idle, empty worship because it is detestable to God. Rather, remember this: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress….” James 1:27.
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